In many Black families, especially in mine, going to college is not a question of if you’re going, you know you’re going because your mother tells you, you are. My mother told me I had to go to college. It’s not that I didn’t want to go, I just wasn’t sure what direction I wanted to go in, in my adult life. I didn’t want to waste time or money, I really just wanted to take some time off from 18 years of school to think about it, to travel the world in case it wasn’t something I’d be able to do later once I had a career and family, and just really figure out what I wanted to do with my life as a grown-up. She was not trying to hear that. I was going to college and that was the end of it.
For reasons that really had nothing to do with me, I decided upon the University of North Carolina in Charlotte. My dad, having retired, and my mom, working in Human Resources at Bowdoin College where I opted to pass on the free tuition because I wanted diversity I wasn’t getting in Maine, decided they were moving on down here too. We packed up our house and moved to Charlotte not even a full 24 hours after I graduated high school.
I went in Pre-Med, majoring in Chemistry, and started a summer program prior to freshman year where I lived on campus and had two credit baring classes. I loved it but when the actual fall semester began, I didn’t feel the same. Having more freedom, that I didn’t get in the summer program, and more classes that were incredibly spread out, I realized I didn’t like the campus at all. I also realized I didn’t want that major and really did want to do something with an English major as a foundation. After meeting with my counselor, who wasted my time with what I later realized was completely false information, I realized I’d made a mistake not only in my choice of major but my choice of school. It didn’t end well and I never finished my degree. I did end up with several years of college debt to show for it though.
With my kids nearing college age, and presently in the middle of researching schools, I started to think more about college as a whole and why some parents, like mine, force it on their kids. I totally understand wanting more for your children and feeling like college is the key to that success, but I don’t think all things are put into consideration … like how many years that choice will set them back and rewards versus the risk.
When you’re paying for things yourself, especially as an 18-year-old adult, you should be able to make the rules and decisions on those things. Things that will affect your life and credit as an adult. Even once a child decides on college, willingly or not, many parents don’t want them to select a major like art because they don’t want their child to be a “starving artist” but when your child is paying for college themselves, they should be able to, and can, choose whatever major they wish because they’re grown and paying their own bills. Isn’t that what we teach them? To be responsible, independent adults who make their own decisions and pay their own bills?
Why do you think so many parents like to dictate the decision in pursuing higher education, especially when leaving the cost of going to college to the child? Do you think parents think about things like their child’s credit when they think about college? Please let me know your thoughts in the comments and, as always, thank you for reading!
