Last year was the year my firstborn started college. It felt like such a long process to get here. Many things seemed to either fall through the cracks or he simply didn’t know what he wanted to do. He had an idea, but I think he was scared to “leave the nest” and be on his own. He eventually figured out his school, and his major, but had no overall plans on how to fund college. The first thought is to look to mom and dad, but I’m here to tell you that parents taking out student loans is not the way to go.
This isn’t a debate on whether or not parents should completely or partially pay for college. This is looking into how they shouldn’t go about doing it if they are.
A Sense of Regret and/or Resentment
My parents paid for my college education and while it was a great gesture, it’s hard to say I’m grateful given I didn’t want to go. At least not when they wanted me to. Like my daughter, I wanted to take a year off to travel and figure out what I wanted to do. I didn’t want to feel like I was wasting anyone’s money. This is exactly how I felt after I went from pre-med to undecided to dropping out altogether.
In their case, they had some money set aside for college but they also jumped on the bandwagon of parents taking out student loans and it’s something I briefly considered as well. Very briefly.
It’s also something I believe they regretted once they were still paying on loans long after I was no longer attending school with no diploma to show for it.
Risking Your Credit
I didn’t have money set aside for my children’s college expenses. It’s certainly something I thought about and even created a 521 plan when my son was little. Ultimately, I simply didn’t make enough in my paycheck to allow me to save for college, retirement, savings, and pay bills.
At the time, I figured we’d just take out loans until I realized it would be putting my credit in jeopardy to do so. In my case, I didn’t even have credit established until I was in my 30s. I didn’t want to take the chance of something going wrong and being below square one. If I decide to buy a new car or purchase a home, I need my credit in tack.
Creating Financial Responsibility
It’s definitely true that paying for something yourself creates more value, no matter how much you contribute. Likewise, being responsible for your own debt puts a bit more urgency on paying it.
I had a job all throughout high school and was responsible for all of my expenses during my senior year. My senior trip, prom, yearbook, cap and gown, pictures, picnic, all the things. I wasn’t great with a budget, but I’d become accustomed to paying for things I wanted/needed. My son hadn’t and it showed.
He hadn’t worked or had any real money saved up, so I felt like I had to figure it out with the help of loans. Initially. As I felt myself become more and more frustrated I realized a chunk of my issue was the lack of financial responsibility he had. Signing up for a parent loan was only going to make that worse. This was obvious when he had no urgency to get a job and didn’t even know how much his tuition was.
Parents Taking Out Student Loans | The Wrap Up
It’s important to add, I scoured the internet for scholarships like I was my children’s secretary. In the end, all the hours, days, and weeks spent looking up scholarships meant nothing because my son never applied to any of them. This was how I was hoping to cover the bulk of tuition, so when that didn’t happen, a piece of me died. The piece that had convinced me I was a bad parent if I didn’t pay it.
A new piece was born in its place. One that allowed me to let go and not be the “fix it” parent I’d been the past 18 years.
I did some deep soul-searching and realized maintaining my ability to get a good rate on a loan needed for my own purchases superseded the need to get a parent loan for my child’s tuition. He can always get his own education loan for college, an internship, or start applying for scholarships but no one is going to help me with a home or car loan with a low rate other than me. If he drops out, I don’t want to feel like I “wasted” money I could have used elsewhere.
More than anything, I want him to gain a sense of financial responsibility and a loan in his own name, for the education he chose, seems like a great start. Or a job to help pay for it which, spoiler alert, he did end up getting with a little help from mom.
The overarching takeaway is that mom and dad will still help, we just won’t be solely responsible for it.
Parents taking out student loans to pay for your child’s college, how did you make that decision, and do you regret it at all?
