It’s the most wonderful time of the year. It’s the hap, happiest season of all … until it isn’t. The season of giving can be so insanely stressful but it doesn’t have to be. I realized the gifts I was giving were based on me and not on the recipient. They were given out of my sense of obligation, because I was a mom and wanted to see my children opening gifts even though they’d rather play with the box, because it was a birthday party, because everyone else was doing it and I thought it was expected, etc… Over time, I gained my sanity back, while learning to give thoughtful gifts, by asking myself the following things prior to making gift purchases.
Can I Truly Afford It
I’ve been guilty of having the kids make Christmas lists and picking the less expensive items to purchase, knowing I couldn’t really afford those either. The fear of disappointment is strong at this time of year and I always feared showing up with “less than” … until I realized I don’t even know what that means.
The saying, “we teach people how to treat us” applies to gift giving as well and if I never started putting a schmillion gifts under the tree to begin with, they never would have started expecting them to be overflowing onto the sofa. Honestly, a bunch of “filler” gifts under the tree to make it look like there was a lot was actually how I was showing up with less than. One or two really great gifts in your budget beat out several mediocre ones that exceed it any day.
What’s My Motivation Behind the Purchase
More than a time or two, I’ve been given a “gift” that was later thrown back in my face in the form of “I bought that xyz”. Nobody needs that kind of negativity in their life. Especially for something they didn’t ask for, that was supposed to be a gift.
Gifting someone something should come from your heart and a place of love. It should never be given to feel as though you have something to hold over that person. Honestly, it should never even be brought up again. Whether you purchased it or not, once you give it, it’s theirs. Control is the opposite of thoughtful in this scenario and you can’t really give thoughtful gifts when you’re still hanging on to the fact you purchased them. Get your Elsa on and let it go.
Will It Have a Home
Sometimes, we buy things for the sake of buying something. We feel obligated to give someone a gift because it’s their birthday, their wedding, or a holiday. We stress out and, in lieu of giving nothing or money at best, we get anything whether it’s needed or not. Whether it has a place to go or not.
My kids had so many toys when they were younger and those toys had no home. It got to the point where I was switching out toys 1. because they’d forget about them after a while and it was like getting a new toy when it reappeared later and 2. because all the toys couldn’t fit in the space allotted for them in their rooms. Just because someone has a baby, doesn’t mean to get them toys – diapers are always great. Having a child doesn’t mean making a mad dash to the toy aisle – books are wonderful and so are savings bonds. Teens don’t need electronics, what they will need is to learn how to function as healthy adults – cooking classes, gas cards, and stock will take them further.
Am I Buying the Gift for Me or For Them
When I was in middle school, my dad dropped me off at the mall with his credit card (I couldn’t even imagine doing that now), so I could purchase my mother a Mother’s Day gift. After scouring the stores, I decided upon a cute snow globe with a teddy bear playing the piano. I can still see her unwrapping it now, followed by the words, “Is this for me? I know you didn’t get this for me.”, she said with a confused look on her face.
I was SO hurt for years the longest time and vowed to never purchase her another gift … I was 8 lol. Over the years, I actually realized that she was right. It was ME who thought that snow globe was the cutest thing but she owned nothing that would have given me the indication she would have felt the same. The snow globe was definitely for me and my taste at the time, and given to her in the form of a gift. Don’t be that person.
What Are More Meaningful Alternatives
In situations where you’re co-parenting, and likely even when you aren’t, time seems to be the most precious commodity. Either doing things separately, or together, where you’re building memories, reaping some sort of physical or mental reward, or just able to relax and take a breath are all situations that are far more valuable than a tangible item … unless that item is a suitcase they can toss their clothes in for a getaway.
Has gift buying been stressing you out this year? What are some things you’ve done to help you give thoughtful gifts? Please, let me know in the comments and, as always, thank you for reading!
